On May 31st I tested at the dojo. It had been a year and 1 month since I last tested, for 3 Kyu (3rd Brown), and going into the test i wasn’t sure which rank I was testing for. Sensei has been testing all the brown belts since December, first by asking us to work harder and observing the results. He had said that some of us would lose 1 strip and some 2, but never telling us which of us would be testing for which ranks. Finally at the beginning of May, after 5 months of recording workouts and having extra workout sessions, Sensei told 3 of us that we would be testing at the end of the month. 

On Saturday 2 of us showed up for testing, the third injured her back earlier in the week and was not able to test. I’m still not sure how long we were in the Dojo on saturday, but I know that we held a horse stance for 1 hour. That part is still vividly fresh in my mind (and legs). As always happens when you test, you find areas where you know you can use more work than you thought. Even if you work out in front of mirrors almost every day (so that you can see and fix your movements), during testing those flaws that you didn’t notice during your normal workout jump out at you. “I should have my knee up slightly higher on my side snap kicks,” “My hip is turning over too late on my round house kicks, and not enough on my rising round house kicks,” “i’m turning my hip over too far on my thrust kicks,” just to name a few mistakes that I noticed.

Last night, June 2nd, Sensei used the advanced class to talk about the test. Doug was promoted to the rank of 2 Kyu (2nd Brown) from 3kyu. I was Promoted to the rank of 1 Kyu (1st Brown), and given the title Sihin. This is a title reserved for people that have shown a love and dedication for the school, and is usually given to the highest ranking student that has not yet attainted the rank of Black Belt. 

Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about this title. Sensei tells me that I should be very proud, but I am not. I don’t FEEL like i deserve this title. When I look at my knowledge and skill compared to Senpai Kennedy, I feel that my skills are lacking. He has been a black belt for almost 3 years now, having tested for black at the same time i tested for my yellow. Obviously he SHOULD be much better than I, but I still choose him as a basis for comparison of my own skills. I wish I could see what his blocks and strikes and sparring looked like 3 years ago.

I also don’t know how I feel about having an actual title. I feel that it might give other students, especially the younger kids, the impression that I am better than the other students. I am not! I still have many flaws in my technique that need corrected, just like every other student. 

I thought a lot about this while I was drifting off to sleep. I can’t give him any more than I already am, and won’t sacrifice everything else in my life to do that. I’ve decided that i’m going to keep doing exactly what i’ve been doing while in the dojo and hope that is what sensei expects of me. 

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